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Penan Rape Allegations: A Raised Eyebrow

Few days ago, an NGO made claims that Penan girls are being raped by loggers. This went on citing the police force still didn’t take any action against it. Aiyoh, these people ar! If it was really rape, they still need to do some initial investigation first. Furthermore, it happened in the middle of nowhere; no road and even mobile phone lines are non-existent.

 

For me, the claim was doubtful. A colleague told me that she never heard Penan girls being raped since she worked with the mobile registration unit. Besides, some Penan didn’t have proper customs including marriage. If a girl and a boy like each other, they can have sexual relationship as long as they want. They could declare husband and wife if they wanted to. If the person is married and like other man/woman, she/he could have relationship with the person without the spouse batting an eyelid. However, one could only have a permanent spouse. In other words, free sex is a norm among them; married or bachelor.

 

So, in this case, rape claims may be invalid. It is not rape if free sex is accepted among them and both parties are consent.

 

Some people just love to use Penan for their beneficial gain. It’s not the first time these kind and naïve people are being used and conned. Yes, they did gain benefits and their plight were heard (as some made before) but who gained the most reward? I felt pity for them. They are being highlighted more than the Iban but their condition are not much improved.

Raya! Raya! Raya!

Semua orang sibuk nak raya. Radio selang sigik duak lagu toh kluar lagu raya. Macam-macam la. Nang sedih, happy semua ada juak. Kamek? Malam tuk balit, naik belon bah. Sik ada rasa mau raya, macam tahun lepas juak. Biasa jua.

Tapi, maybe tahun tuk ada lain sikit bah. Kamek dah ada bf even sik pernah jumpa. Still, kamek siada perasaan sangat. Siada nang bagus pasal tuk. Nya raya di laut, raya ke 20 baru balit. Mun nya raya di darat pun, mak kamek sik suka nya datang rumah. Nya madah kamek jangan dilayan tukang masak nun, tapi kamek masih fikir nya betul2 serius dengan kamek. And he deserves a second chance. Lagi, kamek mauk nangga kesungguhan nya. So, buat masa tuk, kamek tunggu dan kelak terima apa juak kesudahannya. Secretly, I say sorry to mother; had to disobey you for a while.

Klaka Sarawak lak kamek tuk. Hehehe…saja2. Apapun, balit tuk kamek polah 2 or 3 jenis biskut. Maybe sigik duak jenis kek. Sik tau mau molah kuih apa. Suruh jak adik2 kamek pilih, kamek molahkan.

For Azian, sian kamek nangga nya. Mula2 cuti lama, tapi skrg raya kelima sudah balit Sarawak. Sebab ada panel mana tah mauk datang. Ish, macam siada orang yang dapat molah preparation. TPP ada, suruh nya ja tapi biasa bah; big boss sik mau. Azian ramai adik beradik n sedara, sik dapat nya raya dgn semua. Geram juak kamek nangga perangai big boss: terlalu dependent dengan seseorang. Tapi, penilaian prestasi kelak, Azian mesti dapat full mark.. heheh.

Buat pembaca blog kamek semua, Selamat Berhari Raya di samping yang tersayang. Kamek mintak ampun dan maaf dan jua mintak halal nang terambil, tercakap dan ter ter ajaklah.

Love Lost and Found

Last Sunday my ex and I made up. I don’t know if I made the right decision. We’ve been separated for 2 months and I thought that’s the last of him. I’m ok with us as friends but apparently, he had other plans. Each time he went back ashore, he coaxed me into getting back together. At first, I shut tp like a clam, insisting that we stay as friends.

 

I guess his persistence made me attracted to him in the first place. He didn’t give up although I retorted. Last Friday, he was sent back because of bad cough. Besides recuperating, he used that chance; begging me to take him back. One could imagine whatever sort of begging: couldn’t let me go, feeling huge regret, throw away his ego, rather being imbecile etc. He didn’t have to beg that way considering that my feelings are still for him. However, I hesitated. Is it ok for us to get back together?

 

I mean, his main objective is to marry me. Fine, so I gave him an option: bring our parents together for a talk. But no, he chickened out; worrying that it’ll turn up badly. He wanted to use his idea: keep the relationship a secret for a while until we confront my parents with news of us getting married. I don’t think that is a good idea either. I value honesty and I’m sure my mom too. It is better for us to get this thing clear as soon as possible. Besides, if he bring his parents, it’ll a sign to my mom that he’s for real.

 

So, in this case, I think it doesn’t matter if we were a couple or not as long as we get married at the end of the day. O yea, he said that he missed our days ‘together’. Whatever. Perhaps we should discuss this whole thing again. Insist that we should stick to my plan. I wanted to see either he’s really serious about this or he had some hidden agenda.

My Current Update

MERDEKA! MERDEKA! MERDEKA! HAPPY RAMADHAN!

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Not much things happened since the last entry. It just that I broke up with Zul and few days ago he called and wanted me back. His argument? He still love me and knew that I still love him. I don’t think his feeling as such as he claimed. For me, love him or not, that’s my problem. And for now, I prefer we stay as friends.

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Earlier, I went to Labang, Bintulu; answering the ‘summon’ of Y.B. Tiong for mobile registration there. Hell, it was a waste of time and manpower. First, the location was nowhere remote. It’s near the highway. Second, there was much ample time that we could have an afternoon nap an hour or two. In the end, we only received 57 applications for 3 days operation. Damn that big mouthed Parliament member!

Today is the second day of Ramadhan. Work as usual. I’ll have to plan mobile services until end of this year. This month UKB won’t go anywhere. But still, the staffs have to finish up building database and settle back-log applications as much as they can.

The Hard Truth & the Price of Deception

When one is being deceived, it’s all about bliss and ignorance. Sometimes, dreams are build upon deception, plans are made and hope for the best in future. However, when truth hits one hard on the face like you hit a wall the first thing you walked out of the dark. Similar to that, consequences are always unpleasant. Especially when one found out the truth not from an honest confession of the deceiver. Lies shattered along with those sweet dreams founded upon it like smashing a crystal palace on glass. Hearts are broken. Promises are forgotten. Relationship is on the brink of despair.

Why people lie? Insecurity: afraid of being discriminated, rejected and hurt. One deceives in hope to be accepted and loved. But people forget that illusions don’t last. Deceptions always come with a price which many simply couldn’t bear. As a result, a lot has suffered.

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People also lie because the truth is not a bed of roses. The truth is a bed of roses…..with thorns. Whether people like it or not, roses will come with thorns. Its how one learns to live with it and at the same time, cherish the beauty of roses. The way one appreciate truth like roses with thorns is a life art which I think few of us could master.

How can one accept the hard truth when glittering veils of lies are relieved? Transition from false beliefs is a painful process. It took reconsideration, realigned judgment and eventually an ultimatum. When one is trying to make a decision, it is accompanied with the inevitable external intervention. Opinions and second thoughts from others are not necessarily bringing negative influence to one’s decision. They acts as rational points to ponder so one will not make emotional decisions. But still, decisions made on rational basis took toll on emotion.

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I am a person who prides on logic and live according to reality. It is time for me to walk the talk. Although I certainly bleed emotionally I have to make the call. Love will be sacrificed. A union will be parted.

Long Adang Adventures

Third week of busy-ness ended with a week trip to Long Adang. The isolated place is in Limbang district, northwest of Sarawak and close to Sabah. The journey started in Kuching International Airport. I took a plane there on Sunday. Our group transit in Miri before continued our flight with MASWings’ Fokker 50 aircraft to Limbang airport. Fokker 50 is an upper-mounted wing, light aircraft. I’m ok in any of these but the smell of shit was obvious. I don’t know why Fokker 50 smelled like that especially without the aircond on. Well, I leave the mystery like it is…. And so after we arrived in Limbang, our group spends the night in a cheap hotel.

Limbang district acts as a border of Sarawak-Sabah with Lawas being the last place one will go before reaching the ‘land below the wind’. Limbang town is a small and quiet place by the river with population mixed with Brunei citizens as the town is neighboring with Brunei. Limbang has few small supermarkets and many rows of shophouses. People here speak with dialect similar to Sabahans. The dawn and dusk here are noticeably different from Kuching. To be precise, dawn prayer will be over by 6.15 am (Subuh Gajah not included) and by 6.40 pm, everything will goes dark. Compared to Kuching, morning is at 6.30 a.m and Maghrib prayers start at about 7 pm.

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Dscn6839Dscn6859_1The next day, JPN met PETRONAS group and we made arrangements on which person go to which car. The journey from town to the end of ‘civilization’ which is Nanga Medamit took about an hour. Nanga Medamit is a hamlet by a logging camp. Passing through it, our track is based solely upon gravel and earth road made by loggers. 6 hours going up and down mountains inside the lush Sarawak jungle. Sarawak has many rivers and streams. They are beautiful and so pure. It is a sad thing loggers came and destroy the forest. In some areas, no tree was left standing. Streams and rivers became polluted with mud. I was noted Karam Singh Walia didn’t dare to go here as loggers (many of them are illegal) were very protective of their territory. Karam Singh won’t even get into Sarawak without menacing death threats and attempted murders. The risk is just too high for his neck.

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After journey by 4WD, the group stopped at a spot where we jungle-trekked for one hour to the Penan village. At this time, I already was cut off from the rest of the world: in the middle of vast jungle, no phone lines (land or mobile), no shop, and no other transport and surrounded by…..trees. Okay, I guess I have to live like Penans for few days then. If I compare my jungle-trekking experience, I say this is the one I dislike. I hate the muddy and slippery ground all the way to the destination. I have to tread cautiously and slowly and it made me tire faster. But I don’t have problems when crossing 2 rivers during the trek. It wasn’t difficult although the current was quite strong.

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Dscn6872_1Upon arrival, the women were given shelter at missionary teachers’ house. The house was truly kampong-styled. For the first time in many years I saw again the wood fire stove. The stove brought back memories of my early childhood days. Since there was no public pipeline, our water supply came from nearby stream, connected by PVC pipe into the toilet. The water would be almost clear when it was not raining; else it turned into shades of teh tarik. Electricity only available at night for the lamps supplied by a generator. During daytime, electricity is only for operation; in JPN’s case for photostating documents.

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Despite lack of basic necessities, I was able to make myself comfortable. Long Adang was only hot during midday and cool enough in mornings and evenings. So, no fan needed. The food was ok, thanks to the cook PETRONAS brought for the whole team. Things were going smoothly for our registration activities. 2 interpreters from PETRONAS team were helpful with us; bridging the language gap between us and the Penan. They made our job a lot easier despite some Penan’s tendency to beat around the bush when asked simple questions. I don’t think they intended to do so; maybe they wanted to explain the whole situation in one shot.

Dscn6887_1 Dscn6900The whole team was pleasantly surprised by a visit from Along Segak, the biggest supporter of Bruno Manser. He came from Sungai Gita, one day journey (if you are a Penan if not, 3 days) from Long Adang. Like Manser, he was also in the wanted list. Few stories about Along and how he was related to Manser could be found from the net. The guy (Along) came to us to apply his birth cert. He came to understand that to get the government listen to his people’s needs, he must possess identification. And so he came to us with his full Penan regalia, his wife and 9 children. The couple came to apply for birth certs while his children for MyKad. Along is strong despite looking ancient. He also brought dried deer heads and peacock feathers for sale. Deer head with asymmetrical horns worth RM40, I think. I don’t want to buy although the things he brought would be much more valuable outside.

The following were pictures taken on the day we went back to Limbang. Dang! I have to carry my own backpack (which made me like an uncomfortable tortoise). The one hour trekking upon slippery and muddy track made me hungry only after 3 hours of breakfast. Luckily, the others felt the same and we stopped for pre-lunch break.

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Around Sarawak in 3 weeks

Bz bz bz…. bukan bz wat keje kt ofis, tp bz merayau. Ha…. seronoknya beta! Merayap jer…. di atas nama operasi bergerak… Memandangkan aku bos, takdela wat keje sgt mcm staf lain. Setakat membantu bole la.

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Dscn7765 On 29th June, our UKB team went to Sg. Asap in Bintulu district. The operation took a week including travelling days. It took 2 days to go there; passing Samarahan, Sri Aman, Betong, Sarikei and Sibu before stop for a night in Bintulu. Sg. Asap is a settlement for Sarawak natives from Bakun area. The place is about 2 hours journey from the main road to Bintulu. It’s a small community in the heart of Sarawak jungle with the only route using log trucks’ pot-holed road. There are several longhouses around Sg. Asap: Kenyah and Penan people, mostly. We were given government quarter (2-storey bungalow) for lodging.

Personally, the place was ok. I love the morning view of 2 layers of hills, seen from the front door. Just after dawn, white mist looming around the long stretch of green hills, sometimes it cover the entire landscape. It’s beautiful. Too bad I don’t have the camera to capture the view.

Dscn7699 When we opened registration counter at the nearby shophouse lot, people would come to register late births, MyKad application and occasionally death registration. Not much people came there. On average, there are 30 people who come on that day. The place was crowded mainly because of curios people. Here is the place one could find Kenyah women with long earlobes (minus the heavy earring). However, they are old ladies and so it seemed that younger women didn’t lengthen their earlobes. 30 people may sound little, but many of them have problems with registration. Some need further quiry and many of them have communication problems.

Dscn7710 There are lot of side stories happened during the trip. One is scary (the house we stayed was haunted and some of us experienced the encounter but fortunately I didn’t), few stories involved the attitude of some applicants, another one is funny (I never thought my positive comments on his perfume affected him greatly) and one was the unexpected visit by an eye-candy. The picture on the left was taken during a special visit to the Rumah Ukit; to register 2 disabled boys. Don’t be fooled by the unattractive exterior looks. The interior of the longhouse was quite impressive like this picture below…

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For short, I arrived back home on Saturday afternoon. On monday, I was sent for database course in INTAN campus until thursday. Just today I’m back to the office. Lot of things happened while I’m gone. There are letters and data receival to look into, meetings to attend, updates for my notes and not to forget preparation for my upcoming trip to Long Adang. I’ll depart to Limbang this Sunday. Even during the trip, there will be a meeting with other agencies next wednesday. Hm… when I was around, nothing much happened and when I’m not, lot of things come.

Digesting the Fact

On fine Wednesday morning I woke up and found myself brooding to the office. It’s not that working in the government sector reduces your busy-ness level up to 70% (as told by an ex-colleague in Emaskang) although it is a source of office boredom. Additionally, I’m not just brooding, I also felt queasy in the stomach. I thought it was a call of nature (which I already relieved it in the toilet) but it really came from the uneasiness I felt.

I pondered over these questions: Am I doing the right thing? Is it safe to trust the boyfriend and accept him as a husband, God willing, for the rest of my life? Is it ok to go on with the plan to get married by end of this year (my sister commented it as a fast-track project)?

I tried to reason with myself. As posted in entry “The Agony”, perhaps I should go along with the flow: to discover his intentions and get ready with anything that goes. Before we met, I had long given up trying to find a boyfriend and focus merely on my career. The activity of flirting and prepping myself to get guy’s attention simply stressed me out. I hate to pretend; preferring to go easy on carrying myself in the public. Means; I make myself pretty when I want to, I flirt when I would like to steal a glance or two from cute guys without having an aim to get his attention and once in a while have a crush just to spice things up (although sometimes I’m getting tired of it).

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My initial plan was to live like a nun (haha, I just mean committing to celibacy), build wealth from my own hard work, support my family, take care of my aging parents and watch over my siblings. It doesn’t matter if later in my golden days I will be alone as I found solace in it. It makes me ponder about the Creator and gain wisdom along the process. However, other plans have been made for me. Perhaps I won’t live alone after all. And it seemed that the right thing to do is to change the plan.

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Do I have problems of getting married in December (6 months to go)? Point blank answer: no. I don’t think I have any important agenda this year, except getting a confirmation for my post and get my butt to Diploma Pengurusan Awam course for six months, expecting to start in June 2009. Even though I’m ok with his plan to get married end of this year, I couldn’t bring myself to tell mother. Don’t know why. Couldn’t imagine the look on her face when she hears it, hehe. Maybe I broke the news later or when Zul see my parents. Let him do the talking since he’s eager to get his hands on everything.

Zul is a meticulous person. He plans for the best and wanted things to be perfect. However, I just delayed his plan to have children until 2010 (and probably will delay further). I think he’s hasty, wanting to have children ASAP, worrying that he’s getting old. He’s not 60 for god’s sake. Besides, I’m the one who should worry as the biological clock shows that time is running out. But for me, why should I race against time when in actual I’m not ready? Being a wife and mother is totally two different things. It’s like heaven and earth.

So why am I brooding? I couldn’t find any solid reasons. Perhaps the way these events came so suddenly has struck me dumb, leaving me thinking, “Is this for real?”

Life in Kuching

A lot has happened since my departure to Kuching. Living like an exile due to inability to find a house, the weekend boredom due to lack of tv channels to watch and interesting places to hang out, getting used being a boss in a unit and in the process got blurred (inside my processor) and recent emotional turmoil.

To live in Kuching means you need a transport like you need your legs to walk. So, to sum it up, I’m a ‘disabled’ person. Plus, inability to find a decent house to live and the absence of nasi campur shop to find gave a considerable amount of tension. Kuching is not like the towns in Kedah, Penang or Johor. It’s way different. One has to live here to get what I mean. Good thing is driving on its roads is quite ‘light & easy’@ relaxing. Not much traffic here.

A week after my arrival here, I finally get to settle most of my problems. Just few more adjustments and I’ll be fine. Work-wise, I’m familiarizing myself with the operations of Unit Khas Bergerak, the culture, customs and basically being lower-top management personnel. As Unit Khas Bergerak is known, well, they move around. Particularly to the depths of Borneo jungle, looking for elusive natives to register. I might join them to a trip or two in July or some other months to get to know the field job. And on the side dish, understanding the natives; living with them. Just don’t make me eat sago larvae @ ulat mulong. I’d rather starve.

Emotional turmoil. Now, that’s personal…. close to VERY personal level. It is also the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Suffice to say, after one day of coaxing and forcing, I finally admit my feelings to this bloke below.

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Meet Zul Azri, the boyfriend.

Pardon his looks for he took the picture after only 1 hour of night sleep.

Subsequently, we discussed our plan to get married which was another emotional turmoil for me and probably for him. When to get married, you ask? Perhaps end of 2008 and when the elders have agreed.

A Whole New World

Never thought I would go this far. I thought for the first posting I would go somewhere within the Peninsular. But it’s SARAWAK! Aiyoh….so far ah? What more? I’m basically inheriting my old man’s job in the Registration Department. Aiyoh….who thought that I, one day would have such job like my parent? The only difference is I’m in the management position while my parent’s job was like clerical.

Initially, I was shocked when I received the transfer letter. But now, I’m ready to go and face new challenges. I’ll be learning the local lingo there, live in such a beautiful place and of course travel around, whether on business or just leisure.

When will I go there? Not sure but I think the latest at end of this month. Preferably, within 2 weeks after go boss-seeing at the HQ.